From before I got married I had a gut feeling I was going to struggle. When my husband and I got married we wanted to wait a year to start trying. I couldn't shake the feeling that we needed to start trying right away. Thankfully, we started trying less then a week after we got married and had no idea the road that was ahead of us. Here we are over 5 years later and we are still childless.
I've met people who had a number of kids and still have no idea how their child was created. When it just happens you don't bother with trying to know how. I have had people ask me what an ovulation test is. It's just like a pregnancy test, but tells when your hormones are about to pop out an egg. One of my sister-in-laws once said, "All you have to do to get pregnant is to go off birth control and have sex every other day between days 10 and 20!" For some it isn't that easy and some people don't understand the struggle some go through.
I have heard all sorts of things, none of which helps: It will happen when it's supposed to, just relax because once you forget about it, it happens, you should go on a cruise, I think it's your husband's fault, and so on. Sure there are people that it actually does happen like that, but not all who suffer infertility.
One of my friends adopted 4 and got pregnant with #5. Another friend struggled to get pregnant, had a miscarriage and then a stillborn at 6 months. After her stillborn she was told she could not have any, we meet during foster care classes. Only days before the placement of her foster son she found out she was pregnant. Her little boy is now 2, when he was a few months old she started trying again. She did "Provera" to have a regular cycle and then "Clomid" to help stimulate your ovaries and tell them to ovulate. With still no luck, she endured more test and the end result was that she had a slim chance of conceiving again. She decided that she was happy with her son and no longer wanted another. Just last week I got a text from her announce she is pregnant!
You need to be sensitive to those around who might be struggling. You have no idea the immense pain they are dealing with! I have had people say some very hurtful things to me. "You don't deserve to have that because you don't have kids." "You don't know how LUCKY you are to not have kids!" "Why haven't you done more with your life?" Yes, I've had all sorts of time to finish college, but what if I started college again and got pregnant thanks to Clomid the next month with twins and was on bed rest for 9 months?
For my husband and I it's been a long road. This week I am starting to see my third doctor in our 5 years of trying. I have had to take "Prometrium" to stop and start my cycles, followed by "Clomid" to help me ovulate. Clomid doesn't always work and there's a limit to how many times you should take it. My husband has been tested and he is 100% good. We have gotten Clomid to help me ovulate a few times, but still no success in pregnancy. (We once did fertilize an egg, but it didn't stick!) I know there is a lot more out there that we can do and try, but for us our trying ends here.
Each couple needs to decide what they want to put their bodies though, it takes a lot financially, physically and emotionally enduring all these treatments. My cousin has done everything possible and on her third try at IVF got pregnant with twins! Another friend on her 7th try of IVF now has 10 month old triplets! I know of others that IVF never worked for them. IVF can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $34,000 a try. IVF not even been a for sure thing.
My husband and I have decided on doing Foster Care. We have already had 3 little ones, none of which have gone to adoption. It might be harder on the heartstrings, but a lot easier on the pocketbook! Adoption costs range from $4,000 to $30,000 all depending on your agency, expenses and such. We have also looked into adopting, but in this economy we haven't been able to save up for it.
Coming to terms with being infertile: I'm not sure there ever is closure. My cousin, the mother of now 7 year old twins, has told me that it will always hurt. It's hard when you hear the news that someone else is pregnant again, when a new baby arrives, birthdays, and such. They are all reminders of what you don't have or struggled to have for so long. I know way too many people that take their children for granted and don't realize the precious, amazing miracles that they are!
I think every couple, in their own time and way gets to the point of accept things. Either they choose just not to have kids, to adopt or to not give up until they are pregnant. I'm at the point that I don't care if I ever get pregnant. In fact I'm trying to convince my doctor to do a hysterectomy. Why? Well, I'm 24 and I've had a crazy, irregular, extremely heavy period for over half my life. Add that with the fact that I already have a slim chance of getting pregnant, I want it to END!
Some links I really like, PLEASE read and watch them!
Infertility Etiquette, how to talk to and treat those who suffer from infertility!
http://www.resolve.org/site/Empty Arms, Broken Hearts- video about what it is like to struggle with infertility!
http://tearsandhope.com/I have more links and info on my blog.
http://ldsinfertility.I love getting new readers, people adding their stories and tell me about other sites, articles and such about infertility. I'd love to answer any question and I'm really open about our infertility and all that I've been through! E-mail me at -maggiemoo2005@gmail.com
Thanks, Dawn-Marie
